Beware of these soul ties in singleness, chile.
Okay… it’s sort of cliche that I am talking about soul ties in the month of February… #guilty. But I couldn’t have thought of a better time to do so.
Many of us have had a soul tie before so let's just get into it. The definition of a soul tie is an “inexplicable spiritual and/or emotional cord; a powerful emotional bonding to someone else.”
One of the reasons why I bring this up in singleness is because sometimes you can have a “free for all” mentality and expose yourself to different things. Just because you are single doesn’t necessarily mean you should be available and open to everyone.
You may start dating and getting to know other people, but where it becomes tricky is when you have multiple soul ties and you don’t understand why.
I’ll tell you why… because you are not guarding your heart and soul.
Soul ties are easy to make but very hard to break. It takes time, investment, and energy honestly. But my overall goal for this blog is to help you become more cautious about who you are allowing into your soul.
What is your soul you may ask? Well, your soul is where your spirit dwells. It’s where your emotions, will, drive, desires, personality, feelings, and attitudes reside. Your spirit is a part of that because whatever is housed in your soul also affects your spirit (salvation, faith, security).
Why do you think people struggle with things during their Christian walk? It’s because of the constant battle between what their soul and their spirit wants. The two do not always agree.
So, if we are exposing ourselves to anyone during singleness (because we feel like we can), you’re basically giving an open opportunity for your soul to tie to anyone too.
We should use wisdom because we do not know what is going on in another person’s body, mind, and soul. It does not take much to enjoy someone else, and fortunately none of us are God to know all that is going on within a person. The things we may be tying ourselves to might have a very negative impact on our overall well-being.
Soul ties are heavily dependent on emotions, that we’re often blinded until it’s all said and done. If we are taught not to make decisions based on our emotions, why should we then decide to form a soul tie because we feel like it.
Here's one example that you have formed a soul tie:
Ever have a tough time getting over a break-up? The person just clouds your thoughts, your emotions, and you can’t seem to get through? Or have you been so co-dependent on someone that you just can't seem to separate yourself from them? Yeah… that’s a soul tie. The person is literally tied to your existence and that makes it 10 times harder to break. Almost every relationship you experience will have a soul tie because of all that a relationship requires… it’s kinda hard not to. The term "break up" is intentional. You are literally breaking up a connection, a tie, a corded between two people which feels terrible, sad, and heartbreaking (more like soul breaking).
Now don’t get me wrong, you can have positive soul ties as well. Friendships, co-workers, parents, and marriages all experience soul ties. I have had a positive soul tie with my best friend for almost 20 years. We make each other better and that is just one example of a positive way to look at soul tie.
But on the other hand, I have had a soul tie with a friend that I had to hurtfully break off. It was painful because history sometimes makes you wanna stay in things that aren’t really good for you; even in friendships.
Needless to say- having a soul tie is not a bad thing. We were created to be in relationship with God and with each other. Where we go wrong is choosing any Bryan, Brandon, and Barry to be tied to.
Think about all you carry as a person- your will, motivation, drive, emotions…shoot, even your dreams. With soul ties, you are subjecting that to someone the minute you form a deep connection with them. A connection that bonds the two of you and most times, we don’t even know when it occurs.
A lot of people may bond over the following:
Just to name a few.
As single women especially, we want to be loved. So, the minute someone tells us the right things and shows us attention, we open ourselves up…. Or we open our legs up (just saying). I’ve been there so I definitely know what I’m talking about.
And Christian single women are not exempt from this either.
While it may feel great in the moment, can you honestly say that is someone you want to “carry” with you for the long haul. Are you willing to carry their baggage and burdens too. In today's society, we want to carry all the good qualities but we ignore the bad.
It’s not a terrible thing to bond, but it’s your responsibility to steward your soul. Take ownership of what you allow yourself or whom you allow yourself to be tied to. I've been the girl who played victim not realizing that I had to be held accountable to who I allowed to get deep within my soul. Not everyone should have access; it's precious territory.
Now, how can you form a soul tie?
One of the strongest ways to is … Sex! Sex is the most common and easiest way to transmit your soul to someone else’s. In today's world, having sex is like trying on a pair of shoes. You try it on and move on...without any acknowledgement of what it does.
Why do you think God created sex for marriage? Because of the soul/spiritual implications it carries. That is how two become one- which is a tied knot. So really, God intended for us to make a soul tie...but with the right person.
Now obviously, sex is great! God created it! And I wish we spoke about it more in the church, but the truth is, sex is like a fireplace; it needs to be confined within the construct of marriage because once you do it, once you give your body to someone else, you cannot take it back. Nor, can you take your emotions back either.
I used to be the girl who thought I could have sex and still remain “friends”. Yea- FALSE! My emotions ended up getting the best of me and I ended up getting hurt. Having to do far more work than I needed to in order to heal.
I can speak about this because I’ve been there. I’ve been at a place where I was so confused because I kept attaching myself to men back to back (sexually, emotionally, etc), to the point where I couldn’t even tell if I really even liked the person or if I liked how they made me feel.
NOW- I am no one’s mama. If you choose to have sex, that is your decision.
Be wise. Be safe. Be careful.
Now being 31, I am celibate because I have also been able to see the benefits it has for me; spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. For once, I am finally taking care of my soul which I neglected in the past.
Sometimes, we end up going with the motion so quickly, which can often lead to a life of regretful decisions. Just because you can’t see your soul doesn’t mean it doesn’t need tending to. We should be a good steward over our bodies, souls, and minds.
All in all, forming soul ties is inevitable and it is a good thing, but learning who and what you tie yourself to is key.
So, I leave this with you.
"Guard your heart, above all else, for everything you do flows from it."
I am a good steward of my mind, body, and soul. I am wise. I am in control of who has access to me. I release everything that does not need to be attached to my life or my purpose. My body, my mind, and my soul belongs to God.
Share below: What is your take on soul ties? How have you experienced it before? (can be positive or negative)