Updated: Oct 13, 2021
Singleness is your time to bloom.
What does that look like? It can look like a lot of things, but it is a time to be selfish, satisfied, and experience endless self love:
Singleness is one of the most if not the most important seasons of your life. It’s not easy though- it’s full of counterfeits, learning, unlearning, healing, having fun, doing you, and repeating it over and over. But what I have found is that it is a designated time to be selfish, satisfied, and experience endless self love. You can't bloom without these things to be quite frank.
This is indeed your time to do you. It’s time to learn boundaries, preferences, and honestly learn to know your worth. That is a part of being selfish. Choosing you and always choosing you before someone else does. That means deciding who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. That’s a selfish decision to make.
Where many of us (including me) fail is that we think other people should weigh in on that decision. A season that is about you and what God may want to do in you now becomes what others determine it to look like. I believe it’s important for you to decide on that path you want to walk before bringing someone else on that journey.
Amos 3:3 says how can two walk if they don’t agree.
But how can one agree with your path or even know where you’re going if you don’t yourself. This is the time to determine that, because the path that you take on as a single person, very much determines who will join you later.
The satisfaction part comes from being content with yourself; not just who you are but where you are in life. If I'm being honest, being single puts a target on your back at times. Many people don’t appreciate this season until it’s over, so it’s very easy to minimize it, judge it, or compare it to something else. But this is truly the season to be satisfied with the bad, the good, and the ugly about yourself.
Sometimes I see singleness as a dry season. It has its benefits but deep down we desire a relationship with someone. It can be a dry season and the bloom may be very much delayed like my own season. But even in the midst, God can satisfy these parts of us that are thirsty for the next season.
I know it’s cliche when people say “it’ll happen when you least expect it”, but there’s truth in that. You will only least expect it when you are satisfied with yourself.
Another area of satisfaction is handling your internal mess….alone.
I want to do my work and I would want someone to see that rather than trying to fix me. (trauma bonding is a thing!)
Truth is, we all have insecurities and baggage we walk with. But the difference is are you waiting for someone else to carry that baggage or have you been able to manage it on your own?
No one’s job is to replace the work you are supposed to do for yourself to achieve a level of contentment. Relationships are important but after God, the most important relationship is with thy self and being okay with that. How can you value someone else if you haven't learned how to fully love & value yourself.
Instead of being so focused on getting ready for a relationship, just get ready to be the best version of yourself. Sometimes we (yes, we), have motives deep inside that if we work on ourselves for a set amount of time, that person will come. So really we’re doing the work for a specific reward in the end. Keeping it real with you, that’s a dangerous way to go about singleness.
I would do this all the time. I would work on myself for a few months, meet someone and the work stopped, my me time stopped, and I just got caught up in being with someone. Then when the relationship ended, I felt like I lost myself and fell into depression.
Being content is not for others to enjoy. Being content is for you to enjoy and have peace within yourself. Not to mention, God is so jealous of you. So in the midst of your singleness, He wants you to have a satisfying relationship with Him. When that blooms, everything else begins to as well.
When you learn to love yourself and take care of yourself, you attract the very things that will take care of you. You’ll attract peaceful friendships, successful business opportunities, boundaries, positive mental health, and ultimately wholeness. Notice how I didn’t mention a relationship.
Singleness shouldn't be a prep class for a relationship. You will learn a lot in your singleness season that will benefit a relationship but that isn't the end all be all. Singleness is for you to bloom.
I’ll show up for myself in this season and take all it has to offer me. Even when I feel desperate, I’ll choose myself and love myself first.
Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Now, share with me... how are you blooming in this season?